Hey ya'all!

I know its been over a year since I last posted on this blog, but I see that some of you still follow it. The Lord led me to stop posting here because it was just too much for me to keep up with. I started my own personal blog {Country Girl} and this week I, along with some other blog friends started a new devotional blog all things lovely! I hope that you will all take a look! AND if you are interested, I am looking for some guest posters too! =)

Love without Dissimulation

Let love be without dissimulation.

Abhor that which is evil;

cleave to that which is good.

Romans 12:9

Let LOVE be without DISSIMULATION.

DISSIMULATION, n. L., to make like; like. The act of dissembling; a hiding under a false appearance; a feigning; false pretension; hypocrisy. Dissimulation may be simply concealment of the opinions, sentiments or purpose; but it includes also the assuming of a false or counterfeit appearance which conceals the real opinions or purpose. Dissimulation among statesmen is sometimes regarded as a necessary vice, or as no vice at all.

~from Websters Dictionary

So basically, if we break this definition apart, dissimulation is hypocrisy. It is hiding something, or under something false.

          Don’t be a hypocrite… in other words… love. Don’t love conditionally… that’s hypocritical… love no matter what…

          Jesus didn’t love conditionally. He loved us so much that he actually died for us… He didn’t stop loving his disciples when they betrayed/deserted him.

So… if you are gonna love, do it right… don’t not love people because they are different from you, or because they have done something wrong…

Does the Lord really have our hearts?

He answered and said unto them,

Well hath Esaias prophesied of you hypocrites, as it is written,

This people honoureth me with their lips,

but their heart is far from me.

Mark 7:6

Do we just say what God wants to hear? Or do we really mean it in our hearts? Is what comes out what is really in our heart?

We may be able to fake living for God, but not for long. Eventually whether or not God holds our heart will become very apparent. Have we been hypocrites? Or have we really been serious?

God knows. He really does.

We say the right things, but do we mean them? We do the right things, but do we mean it? Are we living our lives to please God, or to please others?

Are we more worried about what the people around us think? Or what God thinks?

Does Jesus hold our hearts? If he does, what others think WILL NOT matter. Pleasing others won’t be our priority.  

Does HE really, truly hold our hearts? Are we willing to do WHATEVER he asks of us? Or are we only willing to do it if it is in our comfort zone?
Do we leave our options open, or do we “give God certain limits”?

I once heard a story of a man who was called to be a missionary to Africa, I believe. He was married with 3 little boys. When they got over to Africa, his wife started to worry about the deadly snakes. In fact, she became so inconsolable, that he decided to return to the States. So, they came back, and moved into a mobile home somewhere down south, in the middle of nowhere.

One day 2 of his little boys were playing under their mobile home, and discovered a rattlesnake nest. They did not realize the danger they were in until they were bitten. The man got his 2 little boys to their vehicle and rushed them to the hospital. His youngest  son was playing in the driveway, and as he backed up, he unknowingly ran him over{killing him}. His wife was watching everything from the house, and rushed out to get her youngest son… As she was carrying him back into the house, she had a heart attack and died.

The other 2 boys died either on the way, or at the hospital.

That day, this man lost his whole family… Why? Because God asked him to go someplace, and he disobeyed, because he was worried about his safety…He didn’t want to step outside his comfort zone, even though God wanted him there. In the end he lost 2 of his sons to the same thing he had come home for….Probably if he had stayed there, everyone would have been fine, because Africa was where God wanted him to be.

He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me:

and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. Matthew 10:37

Does God hold your heart? If he does, then doing His will/serving Him will be the focus of our life. Does something else hold your heart, like friends, guys{or girls, if you are a guy}, books, movies, internet? It will be easy to tell, because these other things will be the most important to you.

God should be the focus of our life, and he won’t be unless you give him your heart…

All things work together...

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God,

 to them who are the called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28

I have heard some people take this verse and try to use it to get their way. They may not be doing what God wants them to, but they are a Christian, and they go to church, so they think that God should make everything work for them.

It wont work out if you aren’t living in Gods will.

Sometimes we think that we know what Gods will is, but do we really? If we are really open to what Gods will is, and really in his will, then HE will work things out the way HE wants!

The Virgins and the Bridegroom

Matthew 25:1-10  Then shall the kingdom of heaven be likened unto ten virgins, which took their lamps, and went forth to meet the bridegroom.

The ten virgins are 10 people… The bridegroom is Jesus… The virgins are waiting for Christ’s return…

And five of them were wise, and five were foolish.

Five of them were wise and received the gift of Salvation... the foolish were unsaved…

They that were foolish took their lamps, and took no oil with them:

They hadn’t received Christ into their hearts…

 But the wise took oil in their vessels with their lamps.

The oil is like Salvation. The wise realized that they needed Christ’s gift of eternal Salvation, and accepted it...

While the bridegroom tarried, they all slumbered and slept.

No one knows when the Lord will return… We should not let that keep us from serving the Lord RIGHT now. We must live for the LORD now, later it will be to late.

 And at midnight there was a cry made, Behold, the bridegroom cometh; go ye out to meet him.

Christ is returning.

Then all those virgins arose, and trimmed their lamps.

All of us need work… was always need work… we need to trim ourselves… trim what is excess, what doesn’t belong…

 And the foolish said unto the wise, Give us of your oil; for our lamps are gone out. 

The foolish were unprepared…

But the wise answered, saying, Not so; lest there be not enough for us and you: but go ye rather to them that sell, and buy for yourselves.

You can’t get saved, or make decisions for anyone else… Everyone MUST make their own decision.

 And while they went to buy, the bridegroom came; and they that were ready went in with him to the marriage: and the door was shut.

If we aren’t saved before Christ returns, there will NOT be time when HE comes back!

Chastisement?

Chastisement is hard. I seem to have a habit of getting into more than my share of trouble, so I know exactly how hard it can get.

Chastisement can be as simple as your parents giving you a reminder. Or it can be as big as God having to deal with you.

I’ve been both places. I’ve had my parents discipline me until they were almost ready to give up.

God had to deal with me when I wouldn’t listen to my parents…

It wasn’t fun. I was sick for almost 3 years straight. He also “took away” pretty much all of my friends.

But it was what I deserved, and it was what it took to get my life back on track.

Hebrews 12:5-8, says

And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children,

My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him:

For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.

If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons;

for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?

But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons.

Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous:

nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness

unto them which are exercised thereby.

Chastisement from the LORD means that we are really children of God. At times I have doubted my salvation. I would think “how could I have been saved and done that?”

Then God showed me these verses. A light bulb came on.

So that’s why I’ve been sick.

I’m glad that I was chastened! It means that I really was saved!

*Please do not misunderstand me. I DO NOT think that everyone who is sick is being chastised… Sometimes God uses sickness for other reasons: to help people grow, or perhaps to help someone else to get saved. Sickness was just what God used for me.

Pray for your Government leaders!

I exhort therefore, that, first of all, supplications, prayers, intercessions,

and giving of thanks, be made for all men; 

For kings, and for all that are in authority;

that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and honesty.

1 Timothy 2:1-2

In the United States, our government is leading our country into debt, and ultimately into bondage. We do not have good leaders in our government. There are a few who we “thought” were good, but we have seen in recent days that even they have not fulfilled their “promises”.

We need to pray for these men{and women}. Sometimes we want to get mad at them, but you know what? God put them there. God allowed them to be elected, and that’s who is supposed to be there right now. True, it probably isn’t Gods perfect will, but its what happened.

Pray for our leaders. It is they who will decide which way our country goes.

peoplephobe?

People: Humans.

Phobe: to fear

In God have I put my trust: I will not be afraid what man can do unto me.

Psalms 56:11

The LORD is on my side; I will not fear: what can man do unto me?

Psalms 118:6

Many times I have found myself wondering what a certain person thinks about me doing something. At times I have went out of my way to make sure I didn’t “offend” people.

Then I realized it doesn’t matter one bit what other people think. It really only matters what God thinks of us.

Don’t be a people pleaser! God is who we should “fear”!

Only fear the LORD, and serve him in truth with all your heart:

for consider how great things he hath done for you.

1 Samuel 12:24

Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil.

Proverbs 3:7  

Be a Servant

this post was inspired by the book Being a Girl who Serves:How to find your life by giving it away by Shannon Kubiak Primicerio. {please note that I don't agree with everything on these links, or everything in the book!}

Being a servant means being willing to die to self.

And Jesus answered and said unto him, Get thee behind me, Satan: for it is written,

Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and him only shalt thou serve.

 Luke 4:8

So we should live to serve Jesus Christ, every single moment of our lives.

And he said to them all, If any man will come after me,

 let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.

Luke 9:23

Living for Jesus means denying everything we want. It means giving up our rights. It means putting others first.

Serving means giving up EVERYTHING!

Thy Youth

Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity.

Till I come, give attendance to reading, to exhortation, to doctrine.

Neglect not the gift that is in thee, which was given thee by prophecy, with the laying on of the hands of the presbytery.

Meditate upon these things; give thyself wholly to them; that thy profiting may appear to all. 

Take heed unto thyself, and unto the doctrine; continue in them: for in doing this thou shalt both save thyself, and them that hear thee.

1 Timothy 4:12-16 

1.       “Let no man despise thy youth”

Most teenagers are immature. All they do is sit around at home watching movies, playing videogames, and surfing the internet. They are lazy, disrespectful, and totally unprepared for life.

Don’t give people a reason to despise you when you are a teenager. Christian young people should use their teen years to grow, not to play around. People admire teenagers who work hard, open the door, say “yes ma’am”, “yes sir”, because it is a rarity.

Don’t act like the “normal” teenager that people dislike!

2.       “be thou an example”

Did you know people watch us? Non-Christians{even liberal Christians} watch us. The way we act could influence them in a good way or a bad way.

Younger children watch us. Do you want them to follow a bad example or a good one?

I know that I don’t want anyone to make my same mistakes. I try to set a good example, and if I make a mistake, I try to go back to those who were watching, and say I was wrong.

We need to be examples in many things

~ in word,

Are the words you use, words that you want others to use?

~ in conversation,

Are the things you talk about things you want others to talk about?

~in charity,

Are you kind? Do you treat people the way you want to be treated?

~in spirit,

Are you the same person inside and out? Do you do anything with your whole heart? Do you do it for the LORD or for man?

~ in faith,

Are you trusting only in the LORD? Are you an example of the kind of Christian God wants us to be?

~ in purity

Are you giving the appearance of evil?

3.       How do we know what kind of example to set? {“give attendance”}

~Read the Bible. {“to reading”}

~Exhort others. {“to exhortation”}

~Become firm in your beliefs. {“to doctrine”}

So, I leave you with this…

“Meditate upon the

Second Chances?

Did you know that Jesus forgave murderers?

And when they were come to the place, which is called Calvary, there they crucified him,

and the malefactors, one on the right hand, and the other on the left. 

Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.

And they parted his raiment, and cast lots.

 Luke 23:33-34

He did!

Did you know that Jesus forgave a thief?

And one of the malefactors which were hanged railed on him, saying,

If thou be Christ, save thyself and us.

But the other answering rebuked him, saying,

Dost not thou fear God, seeing thou art in the same condemnation?

And we indeed justly; for we receive the due reward of our deeds:

but this man hath done nothing amiss.

And he said unto Jesus,

 Lord, remember me when thou comest into thy kingdom.

 And Jesus said unto him,

Verily I say unto thee, To day shalt thou be with me in paradise.

Luke 23:39-43

In Matthew 27:38 we see that these malefactors were being punished for thievery.  

Then were there two thieves crucified with him, one on the right hand, and another on the left.

{Matthew 27:38}

To day shalt thou be with me in paradise.

{Luke 23:39-43}

{The only way for the man to be with Jesus in heaven was for Jesus to forgive his sins…}

1 Corinthians 6:9-11

Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God?

Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,

Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.

And such were some of you:

but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified

in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.

Did you realize that no matter what the sin… God forgives? God gives us another chance… every single little time.

When we ask for it, we are forgiven. There are no if’s. no but’s. no and’s. 

Go in the LORD!

I will go in the strength of the Lord GOD:

I will make mention of thy righteousness,

even of thine only.

Psalm 71:16

Not that we are sufficient of ourselves

to think any thing as of ourselves;

but our sufficiency is of God;

2 Corinthians 3:5

My Best Friend

~He lives in a place called Heaven…

~He lived here on Earth for only 33 years…

~I have yet to meet HIM face to face…

~He lives in my heart…

~I talk to HIM all the time… {in fact if He were any of my earthly friends, they would tell me to shut up!}

~He has been there for me.

                Even when I tried to ignore HIM…

                Even when I was mean to HIM…

                Even when I didn’t deserve it…

                When I didn’t have any other friends…

                When it seemed like everyone else hated me…

~He wrote a whole entire Book of letters to me… {the BIBLE}

~He knows everything about me, and He still loves me… {unlike many other of my so-called-friends}

~He knows what I’m thinking… {in fact, HE knows what I am going to think BEFORE I think it!}

~He doesn't fail me!

HIS NAME IS JESUS!

He can be your friend too!

Lessons from King Josiah

I heard a really really good message in church last week. I took some notes, and I thought I would share them with you. You can listen to the original message over HERE!

2 Chronicles 34:1-3

Josiah was eight years old when he began to reign,

and he reigned in Jerusalem one and thirty years.

And he did that which was right in the sight of the LORD,

and walked in the ways of David his father,

and declined neither to the right hand, nor to the left.

For in the eighth year of his reign, while he was yet young,

 he began to seek after the God of David his father:

and in the twelfth year he began to purge Judah and Jerusalem from the high places,

and the groves, and the carved images, and the molten images.

Even though Josiah was only 8 years old when he became king, he did what was right, and served GOD. How many 8 years olds do we know who would do the same?

When he was only 16 {he was 8 when he began to rule, and now it’s the 8^th year of his reign; 8+8=16} he began to seek after God. He began to study and find out what God wanted him to do.

Josiah may not have had the word of God. We will see later that someone finds a copy of it, but his response to the discovery kind of implicates that he may have never read it, or perhaps did not have a complete copy.

Instead, he followed what he knew was right… He knew that his “father” David had followed and served the LORD, so he patterned his ways after David’s.

When he was 20{the 12^th year of his reign} he began to put what he had learned into practice, by destroying the evil idols and high places.

Why did he begin acting on what he knew was right when he was 20? Why didn’t he just put it into practice right away?

Numbers 14:28-30

Say unto them, As truly as I live, saith the LORD,

as ye have spoken in mine ears, so will I do to you:

Your carcases shall fall in this wilderness;

and all that were numbered of you, according to your whole number,

 from twenty years old and upward, which have murmured against me,

Doubtless ye shall not come into the land, concerning which I sware to make you dwell therein,

save Caleb the son of Jephunneh, and Joshua the son of Nun.

At age 20 we become accountable to God for the choices we make. We are responsible for making our own decisions. We are then considered adults, and should not rely on anyone else to make our life changing decisions. It is our responsibility.

Not only did Josiah tear down the idols and high places, but he also started re-building the temple of GOD. He replaced the bad with good.

While they were working on rebuilding the temple, the men find a book of the law.

2 Chronicles 34:14-19

And when they brought out the money that was brought into the house of the LORD,

 Hilkiah the priest found a book of the law of the LORD given by Moses. 

And Hilkiah answered and said to Shaphan the scribe,

 I have found the book of the law in the house of the LORD.

 And Hilkiah delivered the book to Shaphan.

And Shaphan carried the book to the king, and brought the king word back again, saying,

All that was committed to thy servants, they do it. 

And they have gathered together the money that was found in the house of the LORD,

and have delivered it into the hand of the overseers, and to the hand of the workmen. 

Then Shaphan the scribe told the king, saying,

Hilkiah the priest hath given me a book.

And Shaphan read it before the king. 

And it came to pass, when the king had heard the words of the law, that he rent his clothes.

Because of Josiah’s reaction, I think it is safe to say that he probably was not familiar with this book. Probably Josiah did not have a copy of all of the previous written books. Since he knew about David, and David serving the Lord, we can assume that he had some of the BOOK, or some sort of record.

When Shaphan read the Book to Josiah, he realized that the people have not been serving the LORD. He realized that he needed to work even harder to lead the people back to GOD!

*Be active right now by seeking the LORD. Even if you are only 8 you can be learning God’s word, so that when you are 16 you can stand up for what is right, and when you are 20 you can step out and make a difference!

Be Courteous

Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another,

love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous:

1 Peter 3:8

~

And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another,

even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

Ephesians 4:32

~

We are to be kind, and courteous one to another at all times… this means, even if someone doesn’t believe like you do… do not let your zeal for what {you think} is right, overpower being kind when you point it out…

You don’t pour salt in an open wound… you don’t be so bold that you hurt people. Even if what they are doing is wrong, if you salt them, you will disinterest them in the things of God…

Someone I know{I won’t even give them the benefit of calling them a friend}, recently told me that I had to stop doing something that in their opinion was wrong… they were extremely rude… {for some reason they pretty much do not like me… unless I have a baby or something they want…} they didn’t give any reason{um… yeah… so I just have to stop…}. Even though they didn’t say why, I know enough about them to know what they are trying to do… And believe me, if I went back and asked, I will guarantee you they couldn’t give me a verse about why they believe it was wrong…

I on the other hand, can give you a verse that supports what I was doing… If they’d ask, and listen to reason, I would show them… but no, they won’t because they are afraid of being proven wrong…

So anyways… not only did they not give me a reason, more importantly they were extremely rude… {and Ill admit, I was so surprised that they could be that rude, that my response was a little bit short… at least I didn’t yell at em, like me wanted to…}  This isn’t the first time they were rude, in fact for them, it is a regular occurrence…  and they call themselves Christians. But they just brush aside the rude part and say its okay, because I “wont listen” to them and they have to point out my “sin”.

And these people call themselves my “friends”. I will not call them my friends because I do not want to be around them any more than I have to… they say “you are who you are around” and there is no way that I wanna be like them. Not in a million years… no. way.

So… my point? When you are pointing out someone else’s “sin” or something that you think is wrong…

First of all, be nice. Be kind. Be courteous.

Second. Be able to prove yourself. If you cant- shut. Up.

Third. Listen to their side… they might just be able to make a point!

Think about it…

God really cares!

But the very hairs of you head are all numbered.

 Fear not therefore:

ye are of more value than many sparrows.

Luke 12:6,7

Some people think that God isn’t concerned about them. They think that God is so big, HE probably wont want to deal with their little problems… How wrong!

If GOD made it HIS business to know how many hairs you have, then he certainly cares everything else!

God cares about everything… big, medium and little. EVERYTHING!

Just some thoughts...

For with God

nothing shall be impossible.

                                                                      Luke 1:37                          

There are NO if, but, and, or’s… Nothing shall be impossible!

However. Many times when things don’t go their way people claim that this isn’t true. It is always true, because God is holy. So, if its true, then why don’t we always get what we want? Because a lot of times what we want isn’t what is in Gods will.  If we are saved, then serving God should be important to us. When we serve God, what He wants is whats most important. We will want what He wants. And what He wants is never impossible.

“Confess your faults one to another,

and pray one for another,

that ye may be healed.”

James 5:16a

I am not a perfect person. In fact, I am far from being perfect. I have many faults. Tons of them to be honest with you.

There have been many times that I have tried to not publicize my sin. I mean, its between me and God, right? But it always seems that no matter what I do, everyone eventually finds out. Nice. Or not so nice.

So. I was contemplating on some things and saw this verse. I guess it hit home. Whenever people hear about things I have done they automatically add that to my “bad list”. Yes, I have a “bad list”. And just about everyone who I don’t want to know, knows about my “bad list”.

Ironic, huh?

So, after reading this verse, I decided to not hide things any more. I was worried about one particular situation at the time. I was starting to become quite good friends with a young lady, and I knew that sooner or later someone would try to get her to think bad of me, and they would use my well-known “list of wrong-doings”.  In fact, I figured someone had already tried it.

So… one day I told her. I had been rebellious when I was like 10-14. She was surprised.(which told me that, thankfully I was the first one to tell her about this.) I told her why I was telling her. And guess what? It didn’t make one bit of difference to her. In fact, I think it made some things easier to talk to her about. Because she knew who I was.

So. Don’t hide things from your friends. I speak from experience, and it is harder to have them find out from someone else, who heard from someone else, who was told by someone else, who was supposedly around when someone else said something. So, be honest with them. They are there{usually} to help you.

The Deception of Pride

The pride of thine heart hath deceive thee…

Obadiah 1:3

The crown of pride… shall be trodden under feet:

Isaiah 28:3

Lately I have really been working on my own problem with
pride… It has been very hard, but I finally realized that this was one of my
big problems…

As I have been working on this, I’ve had the opportunity to
look around me, and see that this is no longer a problem that can be ignored…
This isn’t just a problem in my own life… It’s a huge problem everywhere in the
“Conservative Christian” circle… somehow we have fallen into the mindset that
we are better than others…

Why?

We think we are better
because we are more spiritual… When we see someone who doesn’t have the
same high standards as we do, we jump to condemn them…

Just because someone doesn’t dress like we do doesn’t mean
that they aren’t saved… I know many people who I know are Christians, but don’t
dress like me…

Just because someone listens to non-Christian music doesn’t
mean they aren’t saved…

Just because someone uses a different Bible version doesn’t
mean they cant be saved…

Just because they go to a liberal church doesn’t mean they
cant be saved…

Many times I believe that these people are actually more
spiritual than we are… Why? Because we get so big in ourselves because we say are
“so totally sold out for God”. Are we really? I mean God died for them too… He
didn’t just die for those who are “conservative”… people who don’t have as high
standards can get saved and go to heaven too, you know!

We should know better than to be prideful… If we really
think that we are as spiritual as we say we are, then we should know that pride
is an abomination to God.

Pride is wrong, and that is where we are getting away from
being spiritual… Our pride is turning people away from growing in Christ…

I personally know someone who was otherwise open to our
views of the Bible, and other things, but when they were basically told they
couldn’t be saved because they wore pants, it turned them off… I know this
person is saved! I see the fruit everytime I see them…

Because of our pride, we are turning people away from God!

I will be the first to admit that I have a problem with
pride… I used to look down on people who didn’t believe as we do… I was wrong…
I don’t know how I ever got to be so prideful, but honestly, I believe that I
was just following the examples of those around me… I was totally surrounded by
it, so why was it wrong? Everyone was prideful, so wasn’t it okay?

NOPE. It wasn’t okay. It isn’t ok. It doesn’t matter that
EVERYONE else has pride… IT. IS. WRONG. VERY. WRONG.

The What-if's

*This was written last Saturday, but Blogger was not working that day, so I couldnt't post...

For the past year and 7 months, I have had to force myself
not to think about “what if’s”, but today that kind of changed.

Today we were stopped in a back-up in town. This weekend was
the annual festival, so there was tons and tons of traffic. {It took one of our
friends almost 20 minutes to get across town (less than 5 miles)…!}

The car in front of us stopped, so we did too(umm… yeah.),
although it was one of those “dad, look out” slam on the brakes moments… (It
wasn’t really that bad!) But the guy behind us… was a totally different story!
Like close call. really. close. call. Then my dad turned on his 4-way flashers.

I looked out my window{I was behind the drivers seat…} about
2 seconds later to see something about 2 inches{literally!} away from my
window. And the van like moved, except we were stopped.

The pick-up truck behind us could not stop because it was
pulling a gooseneck trailer with approximately 6 or more tons of pellets on it.
Plus it was pouring down rain. {Like no could see out windows pouring down
rain.} So he miraculously somehow got over in the turn lane. Somehow. How, none
of us know. I mean.

Gabby said she almost screamed because she noticed the guy
wasn’t stopping. I guess she said the trailer wasn’t getting over as fast as
the truck had, so she thought for sure he was gonna hit us somehow.

I believe that somehow our guardian angels squeezed
themselves between our car and that trailer. Somehow the mirror on our van was
just low enough that it went below the bed of the trailer. Or maybe God picked
up the trailer, or pushed the mirror down.

The guy couldn’t stop until he was 3 car lengths past us.
When we drove by them the girl in the passenger seat looked like she was so
freaked out that she was going to be sick.

What if that guy hadn’t stopped? What if he had noticed just
a fraction of a second later that we
were stopped? What if his reflexes had been a fraction of a second slower? What
if he had been going slightly faster?

There would be 9 {or more} people either {probably} dead or
seriously {critically} injured. That trailer was so heavy that it would have
squished that truck, and our van, and possibly the vehicle in front of us, into
an accordion.

If that guy had hit
us today, tonight I would either be in heaven, or in the hospital fighting for
my life. And so would everyone else in our vehicle and the other vehicles.

So it got me thinking. I mean, I know I’m saved. I’m not
really afraid to die. I know that if I died right now I would go to heaven.
But, am I ready to face God? If I stood before HIM today, would I be able to
present him with crowns, or would all of my “crowns” be in ashes?

Have I really been living my life like I should have? Have I
put God first? Have I lived my life like I am going to die today?

The answer is no. I am still a sinner. Every day I do
something I shouldn’t have, say something without thinking, think without
praying…

I don’t always put God first. Sometimes I just want my own
way. I want things right now. I want things that aren’t always good for me.

Before I would force myself not to think about the “what
if’s”, I would think about things that could have happened…

Like-

How would it be
different if Skylar had lived? She would be over a year old now. She would
be learning how to walk, eating “big people food”, maybe learning her first
words. There would be a car seat in the van, a crib in our room, toys all over
the house, and baby clothes in the laundry.

But when I start thinking about all those things, I want it
to have happened… But it didn’t. It wont ever be that way because Skylar is
with Jesus. All I have are memories of how tiny she was. I have a memory of the
10 seconds I got to hold her tiny cold body. I remember the memorial service
where everyone was touched in some way. I remember her little tiny white casket.
The tiny hole at the cemetery. The headstone that is still in our laundry room
that a friend was able to help us get.

But I am who I am today partially because of Skylar. Her
death helped me to grown in ways that I wouldn’t have otherwise grown.

How would it be
different if the two other miscarriages hadn’t happened? {In reality, I am
really the oldest of 7 children.} There would be 2 other siblings. One of them
would be 11 or 12. The other would be 5, going on 6.

What if I hadn’t been
rebellious when I was younger? I probably would be rebellious right now, or
in the near future. I thank God that I learned my lesson then, and not now, or
later when it would be too late. At least I learned my lessons the easiest of
the hard ways. But, I was rebellious, and that’s what I have to live with. Even
though some people involved haven’t forgiven me, and still remind me of it as
often as they can, I have God’s forgiveness, and that is all I need. {It is
nice to have my parents trust again though!}

Sometimes thinking about the “what if’s” can be a good
thing, but then again you don’t want to be all melancholy… so pray before you
think about the “what if’s”, and if it discourages you, DON’T think about them!