Sunday, August 21, 2011

The What-if's

*This was written last Saturday, but Blogger was not working that day, so I couldnt't post...

For the past year and 7 months, I have had to force myself
not to think about “what if’s”, but today that kind of changed.

Today we were stopped in a back-up in town. This weekend was
the annual festival, so there was tons and tons of traffic. {It took one of our
friends almost 20 minutes to get across town (less than 5 miles)…!}

The car in front of us stopped, so we did too(umm… yeah.),
although it was one of those “dad, look out” slam on the brakes moments… (It
wasn’t really that bad!) But the guy behind us… was a totally different story!
Like close call. really. close. call. Then my dad turned on his 4-way flashers.

I looked out my window{I was behind the drivers seat…} about
2 seconds later to see something about 2 inches{literally!} away from my
window. And the van like moved, except we were stopped.

The pick-up truck behind us could not stop because it was
pulling a gooseneck trailer with approximately 6 or more tons of pellets on it.
Plus it was pouring down rain. {Like no could see out windows pouring down
rain.} So he miraculously somehow got over in the turn lane. Somehow. How, none
of us know. I mean.

Gabby said she almost screamed because she noticed the guy
wasn’t stopping. I guess she said the trailer wasn’t getting over as fast as
the truck had, so she thought for sure he was gonna hit us somehow.

I believe that somehow our guardian angels squeezed
themselves between our car and that trailer. Somehow the mirror on our van was
just low enough that it went below the bed of the trailer. Or maybe God picked
up the trailer, or pushed the mirror down.

The guy couldn’t stop until he was 3 car lengths past us.
When we drove by them the girl in the passenger seat looked like she was so
freaked out that she was going to be sick.

What if that guy hadn’t stopped? What if he had noticed just
a fraction of a second later that we
were stopped? What if his reflexes had been a fraction of a second slower? What
if he had been going slightly faster?

There would be 9 {or more} people either {probably} dead or
seriously {critically} injured. That trailer was so heavy that it would have
squished that truck, and our van, and possibly the vehicle in front of us, into
an accordion.

If that guy had hit
us today, tonight I would either be in heaven, or in the hospital fighting for
my life.
And so would everyone else in our vehicle and the other vehicles.

So it got me thinking. I mean, I know I’m saved. I’m not
really afraid to die. I know that if I died right now I would go to heaven.
But, am I ready to face God? If I stood before HIM today, would I be able to
present him with crowns, or would all of my “crowns” be in ashes?

Have I really been living my life like I should have? Have I
put God first? Have I lived my life like I am going to die today?

The answer is no. I am still a sinner. Every day I do
something I shouldn’t have, say something without thinking, think without

I don’t always put God first. Sometimes I just want my own
way. I want things right now. I want things that aren’t always good for me.

Before I would force myself not to think about the “what
if’s”, I would think about things that could have happened…


How would it be
different if Skylar had lived?
She would be over a year old now. She would
be learning how to walk, eating “big people food”, maybe learning her first
words. There would be a car seat in the van, a crib in our room, toys all over
the house, and baby clothes in the laundry.

But when I start thinking about all those things, I want it
to have happened… But it didn’t. It wont ever be that way because Skylar is
with Jesus. All I have are memories of how tiny she was. I have a memory of the
10 seconds I got to hold her tiny cold body. I remember the memorial service
where everyone was touched in some way. I remember her little tiny white casket.
The tiny hole at the cemetery. The headstone that is still in our laundry room
that a friend was able to help us get.

But I am who I am today partially because of Skylar. Her
death helped me to grown in ways that I wouldn’t have otherwise grown.

How would it be
different if the two other miscarriages hadn’t happened?
{In reality, I am
really the oldest of 7 children.} There would be 2 other siblings. One of them
would be 11 or 12. The other would be 5, going on 6.

What if I hadn’t been
rebellious when I was younger?
I probably would be rebellious right now, or
in the near future. I thank God that I learned my lesson then, and not now, or
later when it would be too late. At least I learned my lessons the easiest of
the hard ways. But, I was rebellious, and that’s what I have to live with. Even
though some people involved haven’t forgiven me, and still remind me of it as
often as they can, I have God’s forgiveness, and that is all I need. {It is
nice to have my parents trust again though!}

Sometimes thinking about the “what if’s” can be a good
thing, but then again you don’t want to be all melancholy… so pray before you
think about the “what if’s”, and if it discourages you, DON’T think about them!

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Peer Pressure...

A lot of people live other peoples lives because of peer
pressure. They wear other peoples clothes… drive other peoples cars… live in
other peoples houses because it’s the thing to do…

Everyone likes to be liked. At least everyone I know that is
in their right mind.
To be liked in todays culture we must dress like our
friends… in all the new fads. We must drive the car that others decide is
ideal. We must live in fancy houses that other people ooh and ahh about…

A few years ago I was just like this… my friends wore
certain things, so I did too. My “best friend” {at the time} wore mostly dark
clothing… dark browns and greens, navy blue etc. So that is what I wore, even
though the colors made{still do} me look horrible. I talked their talk, did
their thing… played their game… lived their life by trying to please them,
instead of living my own life…

When I got right with God, I finally realized that it isn’t
important to change your life around to comply with the guidelines that others
set for us. In fact, many times its just plain wrong. We need to live our lives
solely and completely for God.

God made me the way I am. I can’t change that, even if I
want to, and seriously try. It doesn’t work that way. God made you the person
you are. He didn’t make me you, or you me. He made me- Me. I am who I am.

I am very girly, but at the same time definitely a country
girl. I love my nail polish, shopping, clothes, pink, etc. But I am not afraid
of hard, dirty work. {In fact I enjoy it!} However, I am not all one, like some
people think you have to be.

I am a very outspoken person. Many time that gets me into
trouble, because I don’t think before I speak, but when I do think before I
speak, my outspokenness can be useful. I am not the type of person to hide what
I am thinking. I will speak out if something is wrong. {Well, I’m still working
on speaking out to my peers… that is hard, right?}

At times my friends{so called} have told me that things I
like, and do are wrong… In the past I would have just listened because I was so
worried about them liking me. Not anymore. If they say something is wrong{they
usually go at it with “the BIBLE says”…} then they need to prove it to me, and
not twist SCRIPTURE… Unless they can prove it to me{usually they don’t even
try, cause they can’t…} I don’t worry about it.

GOD is the one I am worried about… Is what I say, what I do,
what I wear, what I look at, what I listen to, pleasing to HIM? Does it glorify
HIM? If Christ were to walk into the room right now, would HE be pleased with
me? This is what I ask myself now, not “Oh, what would so-and-so think about
“blank”?”. Nope, no more of that for me.

I’m gonna be
myself, but more importantly, I’m gonna let GOD tell me who I am!

Friday, August 12, 2011

Grandma’s Pumpkin Brownie Things…

1-15 oz. can of pumpkin
1 box of brownie mix(or chocolate cake mix)

Mix together ingredients… Cook for approximately 15 minutes longer than the box instructs for the regular recipe, checking often…
Allow to cool before topping with whip topping, and/or chocolate candy!